she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
