I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
