How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
