and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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