My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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