I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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