I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
