We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
