I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
