I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
