Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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