You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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