Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
