Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
