i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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