C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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