I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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