I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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