Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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