oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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