my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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