Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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