you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
