Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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