Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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