MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
honey bunches of taint.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
