I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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