Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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