dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
