I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
