her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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