Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
