Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
