I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
