nut hugger
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Alive.
So much puke
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
