my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
