You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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