Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
