i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
