you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
