If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize