so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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