am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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