my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
