dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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