I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
