In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
