His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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