She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
