The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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