Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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