is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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