i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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