My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
