how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
