I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
