i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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