I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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