Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
