see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
