I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
