it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
