she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
