He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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