I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
