My balls are so social today.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
