Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
