I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
