I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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