how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
