Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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