I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I touched a dick in church today
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