hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
